Latest Cool Jokes Collections of the Day - Part 7

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WHO SAID ENGLISH IS EASY ? DONT BELIVE ?
THEN ANSWER FOR THIS WITH - YES OR NO .
________ i'm a monkey . !!!

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Two management students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second student replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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INFORMATION OF THE DAY .
DO U KNOW THE WORLD'S FASTEST TRAIN ?
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SORRY THE TRAIN WENT SO FAST LIKE ZOOII.... TAT I CANT READ !!! ;)

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A scooter mechanic to a doctor" i change the oil just like you change the blood ,i change the the parts of engine just like you do surgery , after the accident i work on dent just like you plaster the fractured part of the body then why are you paid a lot more than me and the doctor replied" have you tried something like this when engine is on"

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doctor 1 - che with very hard work i did operation and i tried my best . but i dint save the patient .
doctor 2 - u stupid . u dint do operation u did postmortem !!


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difference between a friend and lover
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:)
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when u got accident and u r in hospital
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:)
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:)
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lover - how r u ?
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!
but a friend .
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dude how does tat nurse look ?

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In a gents toilet it was written "shake well after use"

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One guy said to another "i love her but she has a boy friend"and the other replied " every goal post has goal keeper it does not mean that you can not score"

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Teacher : Make a Sentence abt HAND !

Student : My Penis in your hand :P

(Teacher Slaps)

Student : I forgot a Space Between Pen + is (My Pen is in your hand)! :D


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Wife: Why are you home so early?
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Husband: My boss told me to go to hell..

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4 Sardars | Sardar Joke

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4 sardar started petrol pump




No customer came to their petrol pump
.




Why?
.




Because Petrol pump was on the 2nd floor,
.





Then all 4 of them started Restaurant on the same floor


.



Still no customer come over there ,





Why?






Because they did not remove petrol pump board from there







then they bought 1 taxi,





still they did not get any customer to ride in taxi,





Why?







Because 2 sardar was seating on front seat and 2 sardar was seating on the back seat and searching for customer.







Now suddenly taxi got stuck on the road and not starting at all,





Then all four of them came out and pushing the taxi, still taxi was not moving at all





Why?





because 2 of then pushing form back and other 2 were pushing form front.




Sardar Rocks :-)

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Teacher Student Jokes

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Maths Teacher to Brilliant Student :

How can you distribute 8 Apples among 6 people equally?

Student : Make a Juice and give it to all of them !! ;

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Top Answers Of Teachers

If They Don't Know The Answers:

1)I Think The Question Is Wrong..

2)I Will Tell You Tomorrow..

3)Don't Ask Foolish Questions..

4)You Will Study This In The Next Class..

And The Most Important One Is:

5)Nice Question,Raise Your Hands Who Know The Answer :)


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Teacher:What is a half of 8?

Student:Do you want the answer vertically or horizontally?

Teacher:What do you mean?

Student:Well,vertically it is 3 and horizontally it is 0.



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Latest Cool Jokes Collections of the Day - Part 6

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Digital Boy: Will You Marry Me?

Girl: Yes!
...

(Digital Boy Starts Running…)

Girl: Hey Where Are You Going?

Digital Boy: I’m Going To Update

My Relationship Status On
Facebook.

Girl: You are really digital !!!!



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Teacher: What is common between BUDHA, JESUS, KRISHNA, RAM & GANDHI?

Student: All are born on
government holidays...!!!


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Harper: what is the easy way to go to the nearest hospital ?

stranger: stand at the middle of the highway for sometime. You will be taken to the nearest hospital soon automatically.


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A door knocks,

Nobody replied. The door knocks again.

Insider asked: Who is there?

Ans: Its Me,"TRUE LOVE"

Insider: U r wrong "TRUE LOVE NEVER KNOCKS TWICE"


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Boy: i'll climb d tallest mountain, swim d deepst ocean, pass the rough way, walk on burning coal for u.
Girl: how sweet of u..Can u come 2 meet me now?
Boy: R u mad? its raining. . . . .
Girl: ??!!!


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Sir: What is difference between ORANGE & APPLE?
Digital Student: Color of ORANGE is
orange, but color of APPLE is not
apple
Sir: !!!!

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There is only 1 perfect mother in the world & every child thinks HE has it.
..
.. .. There is only 1 perfect child in the world & every mother thinks d NEIGHBOUR has it! :D:D :P:P

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daughter: Mum!!!!! Baby's sweater has been fallen down from our 8th floor. . . Mum: What?? Quickly bring baby to me. Otherwise baby may b caught by fever.
Daughter: baby was in the sweater :(:(
Mum: Noooo!!!!


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Harper: why have u kept ur umbrella reversely?
Orton: There is no water at my home. So i am collecting water!!!!!

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Imran: xam is knocking at the door. How is ur study?
Shahid: i m very tensd abt the xam. So i cant study well. When the xam wil b finishd i wil b tensn free. Then i wil study well with a free & fresh mind:):):):)


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a man sat on the middle of a road & was seeing the sky. A stranger told him to leave the place as any kind of accident might be occured by a car. The man replied that a few minutes ago a plane flew away but nothing happened. So what about a car!!!!!!

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Wife: Why r u watching our marriage certificate so carefully?
Husband: Not for a big reason. 1ly try to find the expired date.
Wife: ????!!!!!

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three facts about life:
1. U cant touch all ur teeth with ur tongue.
2. U r retarded cause u just tried it.
3. Now u r smiling coz u r an idiot . . . ;)

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Boss hangs a notice in office, "I'm the
boss,dont forget". When he
returns from lunch.. someone
wrote under it, "Ur wife called
up, she wants her notice back at
home":p:p:p

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Once James bond shoot a person & say I’m bond, James bond. But the person catches the bullet and throw at bond & bond dies. The person says “i m don, superdon”

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Professor: Chemical symbol of
Barium?
Student: BA
Professor: Good. For sodium?
Student: NA
Professor: Vry Good. What will we get if 1 atom of BA
& 2 atoms of NA combined?
Student: BANANA
Professor: ????!!!!

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Special coaching center: To get chance in a renowned university you must admit into our special coaching center as soon as possible. Because our number of seats is limited.
Student: will i have to admit into another coaching to get chance into your special coaching center?
Special coaching center: ????

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A five year
Old girl went to a pharmacy &
asked the pharmacist ...
This is the only money i have,
can i buy Miracles???
The pharmacist confused with
what the girl asked and said ... Why do you need miracles for???
The girl replied ...
Because the dOctOr said that only
miracles can save my mOm ..... :'( :'(

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Teacher: listen students, within 30 minute headmaster will come to visit this exam hall. So be careful.
A student: why is it necessary to be careful? We are not following unfair way!!!
Teacher: i want to tell you that if you want to follow unfair way complete it as soon as possible before reaching headmaster. Understand?
Student: ???!!!

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Latest Cool Jokes Collections of the Day - Part 5

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GirL: How many hours a day do you think of me?
BOy: 16 hours .
Girl: What? what about the
remaining 8 hours?
BoY: The other 8 is when I'm
dreaming of you in my sleep. . . . .


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It dog is dog a dog way dog 2 dog make dog an dog idiot dog busy dog 4 dog 20 seconds!! Now read it without dog. . . . . .

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Teacher: suppose you have got 1 lac dollar in a lottery. Now write an essay on this topic.
Digital Student: take my paper.
Teacher: what happened? Why is your paper empty??
Digital Student: what do you think about me, Sir? if i get 1 lac dollar in a lottery will i write an essay here??? I will leave school & will lead a gorgeous life. . . . . . .
Teacher: ???!!!

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Teacher says to a digital student, In Algebra,
A=B
&
B=C.
It means A=C.
...Now give relevant example.
Digital Student: Sir, I love you & You love your daughter, It means that I love your daughter:p:p:p

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First year of marriage: the man speaks, the woman listens.
Second year: the woman speaks, the man listens.
Third year: they both speak and the neighbors listen :p:p:p

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in 21st Century
Our Phone : wireless !
Cooking : fireless !
Food : fatless !
Youth : jobless !
Leaders : shameless !
Relations : meaningless !
Attitude : careless !
Feelings : heartless !
Education : valueless !
But still,
Our Hopes : Endless..!!!:P

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A digital boy asks a girl in a market.... I have lost my girlfrnd. Can u talk 2 me for a minute? ...
Girl: why?
Digital Boy: bcoz wenever i talk to a girl my girlfrnd finds me....
Girl: :D:D:D:D:D

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A police caught a thief & was taking him to the jail. In the way. . . . .

Thief: please wait here for a few minute. i have to buy cigarette.

Police: i know then you will run away.

Thief: believe me i wont.

Police: I have a idea.

Thief: what?

Police: you stand here for a few minute & i am going to buy your cigarette. . . . .


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Boy reached home very late at night.

Father (angrily): where were you???

Boy: i was at friends home!

Father called his 10 friends,

4 answered: "yes Uncle! he was here with me."

3 answered: "he just left a little while ago."

2 answered: "he is still here and we are studying."

and the last one crossed all limits he answered, "hello Papa! i will come late tonight."

Father: !!!!

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Digital Student: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?

Teacher: no, of course not.

Digital Student: good, because i didn't do my homework

Teacher: ???

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Teacher: if a person is about to be drowned in water try to help him by pulling his hair.

Digital Student: then we cant help you in this way.

Teacher: Why?

Digital Student: As you have no hair on your head.

Teacher: ?????

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Laughter is the best medicine, But if u are laughing without any reason, u need medicine..! ;)

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Son: it would be best for me if i was born many years ago.

Mum: Why?

Son: Then i did not need to study & memorise history. I would be the boss of history automatically. . . . . . . . .

Mum: !!!!

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Latest Cool Jokes Collections of the Day - Part 4

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Wife: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Husband: Because I married the wrong woman. :/

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Which is the oldest animal in the world?
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its the zebra coz its still black and white..!


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Diplomacy of Girls & Gentle
Ladies.. They hate it when u ask their
age...
>
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>
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..
>
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>
.. >
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>
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>
.. >
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>
.. But they would kill u, if you
forget their BIRTHDAY.. ;D

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Teacher: just imagine you are on the 3rd floor,
it caught fire & how will you escape? Student: its simple.
I will
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.. stop my imagination!!! Teacher Shocks
Student Rocks....

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Teacher :- Can you tell the Name of 2 Kings who have brought Happiness and Peace in to People's
Lives ?
Student :- Smo-KING and
Drin-KING!!! *

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Girl: if i was in the hospital for a week how many times would you come to see me?
Digital Boy: Once
Girl: What Once?:@:@
Digital Boy: Because then I would Never Leave you
Girl: :-)-:)-:)

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A girl wearing a very short skirt visited her boyfriend.
Boyfriend: will ur mum not say anything about ur dress?
Girl:she will be very angry with me because im wearing her skirt.

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A man went to sell his dog. A buyer asked him,“Is this dog faithful?”

The man replied, “Yes,I have sold him 3 times but he returns to me."

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Girl: I never win. :'(
Boy: Now thats a lie!
Girl: How??
Boy: b'coz you won my heart
Girl: wow!!! :):)

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Digital Boy: I sent love letters to my girlfriend everyday for 3years.
Friend:Then what happened?
Digital Boy: Nothing. finally She married the postman:(:(

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A doctor & a lawyer were talking at a party. They were interrupted by people describing their ailments & asking d doctor 4 free medical advice.

After an hour of discussion the doctor asked the lawyer, "What do u do 2 stop people from asking u 4 legal advice when u r out of office?"

"I give it 2 them & then send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked but agreed 2 give it a try.

The next day, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went 2 place them in his mailbox, he find a bill from the lawyer.

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A man at medical store: I need poison.
Retailer: I cant sell u, until u
have prescription.
Man: showed his Wedding card
...
Retailer: Sir, what do u need? Big or small bottle??

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Dad: why ur sister is sitting so silent?
Digital Son: nothing dad,she asked for me the lipstic i gave her fevistic
no chip chip
no chik chik
Dad: ??!!

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Latest Cool Jokes Collections of the Day - Part 3

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Doctor: Do exercise daily for gud health Me: Sir i play football, cricket,
tennis daily.
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. Doctor: how long do you play?
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Me : until d battery in my mobile
goes down !!
]


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Jack: i dnt walk now a days.
Kalis: that means u go to toilet by car. . . .
Jack: ???


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Teacher: does ever our dreams come true? Digital student: of course sir, its true when we are in deep sleep. . . .
Teacher:???


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A teacher and his wife were sitting at the dinner table when the wife asked, "Anything new at work?"

"No," he replied. "I teach history, remember?"


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A boy wanted to know
the age of his girlfriend,,,,
So he asked..... Darling What is your Birth date?????
Girl: 15th August
Boy: Which year?????
Girl: Sweet heart Every Year.... :p :)


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One day, Love and Friendship met ..
Love asked,"Why do you exist
when I already exist"??
Friendship smiled and said, "To put a smile where you leave tears".


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Facebook keeps suggesting us "The people u may know"
But when we try to add them.. It again says "Do u know them
personally?".. ohh what the hell !


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Teacher: "Look the mathematics is simple I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 bottles in the other. What do I have?"

student: A Drinking problem?


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1st man: I am getting married because I am tired of eating outside, cleaning the house & doing laundry.

2nd man: Strange!!, i am divorcing for the same reasons!:P


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Wife: I am going 2 LONDON. What gift do u want?

Husband: One British girl.

Wife returns to India.

Husband: Where is my gift?

Wife: Wait for 9 months

haha


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I said to my wife, "I'm thinking about paying for a face transplant."

She said, "Don't be silly, there's nothing wrong with your face."

I said, "I was talking about your face."


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A farmer decides to play a prank on easter sunday. He goes into the chicken coop and replaces every white egg with a brightly coloured one. . . He stealthily walks out. . . A moment later, the rooster walks in, takes one look at the eggs and goes out and beats up the peacock. . .

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Trick Call Your Children home on Festival

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An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says I hate to ruin ur day, but I have to tell u that ur mother and I are divorcing, 54 years of misery is enough.”

Pop what are you talking about? the son screams

We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer the old man says

We’re sick of each other, I’m sick of talking about this, so u call ur sister in Chicago and tell her and he hangs up.
‎, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this.” She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he says, “They’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares Now what do we tell them for Christmas?

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Latest Cool Jokes Collections of the Day - Part 2

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It's my wife's birthday today so I went out earlier in the week and deliberately got her a present that I knew she'd hate.

True to form she opened it, took one look and said, "What the fuck would I want with an xbox?

I'm going to take this back to the shop and ask for a refund.

"I can't wait to see her little face when she gets arrested for looting.

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Girl: Mom,can i go 4 a walk 4 some fresh air..???

Mom: yes sure. But ask ur "fresh air" 2 drop u home before 9:00 pm ....

Girl: Oh, mom. . . . .

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one day a stranger was walking along the street.

Suddenly he saw something on the street and stopped.

Then he took a part of that & tasted & it was a man's dust.

Then he said to himself ' i m lucky that i do not put my leg on it.'

(hahaha. . .but he tasted it)

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Teacher: how many bones does a man have??

Digital student opens his dress & starts to count his bones :p:p:p:p

Teacher: ?!!!

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Girl : Am I pretty?

Boy : NO.

Girl : Do you want to be with me forever?

Boy : NO.

...Girl : Would you cry if I walked away?...........................

Boy : NO.

She heard enough, and was hurt. She walked away, tears ran down her face.

The boy grabbed her arm.

Boy : Your not pretty, your beautiful.
I don't want to be with you forever, I NEED to be with you forever.
And I wouldn't cry if you walked away, I would DIE.

(Boy whispers) : Please? Stay with me.

(Girl whispers) : I will:):)


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News: Children are so happy when they heard about any kind of invitation. But in some invitation they are not allowed:(:(
Guest: what is the problem if the children come?
Host: sorry, non voter are not allowed. . . . .

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Q. Happiness is necessary. Because everybody wants to get happiness. Why not sadness??
A. Sadness is also necessary. Because everybody wants to give sadness:p:p:p


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Teacher: What is the easy way to be millionaire??
Digital Student: To marry a millionaire. . . . . . .


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Teacher: how many types of gender do you know?
Student: 4 types.
Teacher: tell me
Student: masculine gender, feminine gender, alekgender, newton gender.
Teacher: ??!!

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Meghna: u r becomin donkey day by day.
Jamuna: i know this. Because in the past i failed to understand your language but now a days i can understand lightly:p:p:p

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8 years old kid was
taking bath in bathtub with his 6
year old girlfriend. Suddenly
Girlfriend ask the kid slowly: Hey
can i touch your rod? Kid replied
"No Way You broke Yours, Now
You Wanna Break Mine"
hahahahaha!!! [L.I.K.E]

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Lots of Fun - Must Read Jokes

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GIRL:- U found a new girl?

BOY:- Yes And i m very happy with her,

GIRL:- oh really? Can she make u smile as i did?

BOY:-NO but she doesn't make me CRY as u did. :'(


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SOMEBODY Whom You L () \/ E ♥ Enters Your Life Just For Two Reasons

...- Either For Loving You ...Forever . . . *.*

0r

... - To Teach You Not To Love Again Ever . . . =[


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My Lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my Birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said "I wanna watch.''

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Most twisted lines on a girl's T-Shirt

FRONT SIDE:

"Shame on U boyz I m still virgin!"


BACK SIDE:

"Stop checking me out, this is an old T-shirt..

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Most irritating moment: Morning alarms :@

Most difficult task: to find socks :P

Most dreadful journey: way to class :(
...
Most lovely time: meeting friends :D

Most tragic news: test in 1st period :'(

Most wonderful newz: teacher is absent ;)

Most relaxing area: Last Bench :D:P

Most funny moment: teacher crack a joke and nobody laughs :D

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A man sent SMS to his BOSS: “Me sick, can’t do work”

Boss SMS back: “When I am sick I kiss my wife try it”

2 hours later man sms 2 boss: “Me ok, ur wife very sweet”

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2 women talking!
.
.
1st women : why didn't you divorce your husband if you hate him so much?


2nd women : oh! i hate him so much so i cant bear 2 see him happy after divorce......


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Make 125 CRORE Indians Forever Happy..!

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Once Kapil sibble, Digvijay singh & Chidambaram were travelling in a helicopter,

Sibble drops a 100 rs. note & says," I made one poor Indian Happy!"

Singh drops two 50 rs. note & says." I made two poor Indians Happy!"

Chiddu drops 100 one rupee coin & says," I made 100 poor Indians Happy!"

Hearing dis, da PILOT laugh & say- ,I will drop down all 3 of you and make 125 CRORE Indians Forever Happy..!

Pilot was ANNA HAZARE :) :)

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Few SMS Jokes for Fun

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Teacher : U failure !
At ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir,
but at ur age hitler commited suicide


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First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."


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MAN: Boy, wats ur
dad's name?
BOY: His name is LAUGHING.
MAN: And ur mother's name?
BOY: SMILING.
MAN: You must b kidding?
BOY: No, that's my brother , I'm
JOKING!!!!

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Girl: I'm
having a heart surgery..
Boy: i know..
Girl: I love you,.
After the surgery, the girl
woke up
with only his father is on
her
side...
Girl: where is he?
Father: you don't know
who gave
you the heart?
Girl: what?? (the girl starts
crying)
.
.
.
.
Father: i'm just kiddin', he
went to
toilet.

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Teacher: Tom, join these 2 sentences.
"I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body."


Tom: I saw a dead body cycling to school.


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Angel: what do u want?

Boy: A beautiful girl.

Angel: If u r muslim i ll give u KATRINA,
If u r hindu i ll give u Kareena,
If u r christian i ll give u Genelia.

Whats ur name...??

Boy: SHEIKH VINOD FERNANDES.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Angel: Give him RAKHI SAWANT for trying to be over smart....! :))

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Teacher: why dint u attend school yesterday?

Student:I was attending my uncle's wedding.

Teacher: and who did he marry?

Student: a wife.

Teacher: stupid. Hv you ever had of any1 marrying a man?

Student: Yes of course. My aunt.
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Santa had learn only one essay for
exam on ''friend'' but in exam
the essay which came was ''
father''
Santa replace ''friend'' with
''father'' and it read:
.
.
'I'm am very fatherly person'
.
.
I have lots of fathers.
.
.
.
Some of my fathers are MALE and
some are FEMALES
.
.
.
My true father is my Neighbor..
. :)) ...


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Two Friends talking:

1st frnd: i found dat each & every person starts singng when they enter bathrööm! But why...?

2nd frnd: coz our bathroom door lock doesnt work !!! ;)

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A Boy Thought Of Suicide

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A Boy Thought Of Suicide

He Drank Poison ,But His Father Saved Him

He Hanged, But His Mother Saved Him
.........
He Met With An Accident , Doctor Saved Him

He Jumped Into A Well, Gardener Saved Him
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
At Last He Got Married,

N Now No One Could Save Him :D :P ;)

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