Sunday, March 29, 2009

Employee Happiness Kit


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Employee Happiness Kit


NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES!

Due to the hard economic times and otherwise depressing state of the world today, all personnel will now be required to at least look happy while working.

Company-approved supplies will be provided to each employee at little or no cost.

  • Workloads getting to you?
  • Feeling stressed?
  • Too many priorities and assignments?

Here is the new low-cost, company-approved solution to cope with multiple priorities and assignments!

Each employee will be supplied 2 paper clips

and rubber bands:

Assemble items as shown:

Apply as shown:

Enjoy your day. This new office equipment will help you to reach the end of a productive work day with a smile on your face!

The Management

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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Hindi movies and software professionals


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Hindi movies and software professionals


Sajan Chale Sasural : Computer professional coming to US.


1942, a Love story : Sticking to one company for more than a year.

Dil to Pagal Hai : Staying in India, dreaming of US.

Sapnay: Green card.

Sadma: Rejected H-1(B) Visa.

Khalnayak : Bodyshoppers.

Deewana Mastana : Project Manager - Team Leader.

Rakhwala: Project Manager.

Mr. Bechara: Computer professional in Singapore.

Zanjeer: Company bond.

Himmatwala : Breaking company bond.

Tohfa: H-4 Visa for your Wife.

Mawaali: Before coming to US.

Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman: Once you are in US.

Chaudhvin ka Chand: Assembly programmer.

Sahib Bibi aur Ghulam: Client, your company and you.

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Adult Jokes - only for 18+


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Father: qutub minar kahan hai?
Son: pata nahi.
Father: kabhi ghar se bhi bahar nikla karo.
Son: jamil uncle koun hain?
Father pata nahi.
Son: kabhi ghar pe bhi ruka karo.



man to hotel manager: jaldi chalo, meri wife khirki
se kodh kar jaan dena chati hai.
manager: so .. sir what can i do?
Main: abey khirki nahi khul rahi.


Father beta ye lo 20 rupees mummy se mat kahna
k main nokrani k sath soya tha.
beta: dad aap bohat kanjos ho mummy pure 50 deti hain
jab woh driver k sath soti hain..


doctor to lady: kiya aap dilevery k waqat bache k baap ko
apne pass dekhna chati hain?
Lady: nahi un ko mere husband pasand nahi karte.

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Adult Funny Jokes - for 18+ only


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Vodafone walo ka kutta aaj subah hi chal basa.
Ab vo monkey se add karvana chahte hai.
Tumhe meri dosti ki kasam wada karo tum nahi
Jaoge... Keep smiling.


Lady – shoes dikhaiye.
Shopkeeper :- kitne number ka ?
Lady – 36 no.
Shopkeeper :- jaao madam jaao, ghar se soch kar nikla karo
Kyalena hai.


Sardar running behind bus, and finaly catches it n asked driver,
ye bus teri ma lagti hai ?Nahi.
Behan lagti? Nahi… biwi ? nahi. Tho sala chadne kyu nahi deta.



Husband:- ne sasural me biwi se : chalo sex karte hain
Biwi : nahi ye mere baap ka ghar hai
Husband :- tho kya mere baap ka ghar red light area hai jo to roz
Taiyar ho jati hai.






Suhagrat ko pati ne patni se pucha " kya mehsus kar rahi ho ?"
Patni = aaj tak top_up me kam chalet the aaj se life time karwa liya.




Hone wali bahu ko dekhne aaye sasur ne kaha beti chai aati hai.
Ladki boli tum pagal ho mujhe abhi tak dudh nahi aata. Chai kya ghanta aayegi.



Women's life is very hard – morning – wash clothes,
Noon – dry clothes,
Evening- iron clothes,
Night – open clothes,
Late night-search clothes.





Ques : shadi me dulhe ke saath
Baarati kyun jate hain ? ? ?
Ans :- kyunki bade kehte hain ki kisiki khushi mein
Jao na jao par musibat me zarur jana chahiye..



Lady in bus :- aapka kuch touch ho raha hai.
Man :- oh, who meri salary hai pocket me.
Lady :- harami teri salary 5minute me 5 guna badh gayi kya

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Monday, March 23, 2009

India in coming years................funny predictions


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India in coming years................funny predictions

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Friday, March 20, 2009

Change of office furniture request! (Visual Joke)


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Change of office furniture request! (Visual Joke)


Dear Manager,

Due to long duty hours and going to home just for sleeping, I requested replacement of our office furniture. Please accept my requisition attached specimen below.





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Reactions of a fresh Engineering Graduate (Visual Joke)


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Reactions of a fresh Engineering Graduate (Visual Joke)



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Call Letter from company



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After Clearing the Aptitude test...



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Cleared the interview too...



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Gotta go for training



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[COLOR=blue! important][COLOR=blue! important]Training [COLOR=blue! important]days[/color][/color][/color]



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Time to depart



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Allocated to projects



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work... work... work



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More Work



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Yeah got Promotion... Now a Project Manager!

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Pepsi-Coca-Cola New Ads


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Pepsi-Coca-Cola New Ads







This image has been resized. Click this bar to view the full image. The original image is sized 650x373.

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New style of writing a love letter


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New style of writing a love letter :




My dear FAIR and LOVELY (ek chand ka tukda) ,



After WIPRO (Applying Thought) so much ,I dare to say that You are my TVS SCOOTY (First love) and BOSCH(Invented for life) and my AIWA (Pure passion). I always BPL(Believe in the best) and you are SANSUI(Better than the best). You are DOMINO'S PIZZA (Delivering a million smiles) for me. This is a COLGATE ENERGY GEL (Seriously fresh ) feeling for me.



I want you to be my life partner but I think you are worried about your father who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ CALIBER (The Unshakable) and my father who is CEAT (Born Tough) but don't worry as I am also FORD ICON (The Josh Machine) and rest of our family members are KELVINATORS (The Coolest ones).

If they say no, we will run away and marry and
PHILIPS (Let's Make Things Better). They will feel MIRINDA (Zor ka jhatka dhire se lage) but I believe in COCA COLA (Jo chahe ho jaye). For our marriage SAMSUNGDIGITALL (Everyone's Invited) and after marriage we'll be WHIRLPOOL (U and ME - The World's best homemakers)

Trust in God who's always
NOKIA (Connecting people) who love each other. And we are WILLS (Made for each other). Now that HYUNDAI(we are listening) the song of love, you must know that love is DAIRY MILK(Real taste of life), SATYAM ONLINE (Fun, Fast, Easy ) and PARX (Always Comfortable). So never forget me. Ok bye!

I wrote little but
PEPSI (Yeh dil mange more).

LG (Digitally Yours)!!!!!

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Microsoft Bihar XP........


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Microsoft Bihar XP........

Microsoft Bihar XP........



















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Jothika & Surya 1st Night Special


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Jothika & Surya 1st Night Special











hmmmmm.....They switched off the light

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Newtons Laws applied to Software Industry


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Newtons Laws applied to Software Industry


I) Newton's Law Of Motion: Every body continues its state of rest or uniform motion unless it is acted by external unbalanced force.

*(In IT Industry) Every Software Engineer continues chatting or forwarding mails or sending posts on humor unless he is assigned work by his manager.

II) Newton's Law: The rate of change of velocity of a body is directly proportional to the
applied force & takes place in the same direction in which force is applied

*(In our IT Industry) The rate of changes made in the software are directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes place at the faster rate as deadline approaches.


III) Newton's Law: For every action there is equal and opposite reaction.

*(In our IT Industry) For every virus, there exist an equally powerful antivirus, & after release of that antivirus some more destructive virus comes into existence.


IV) Law of Conservation of Energy: Energy can neither be created nor be destroyed. It can be converted from one form to another.The total amount of energy in the universe always remains constant.

*(In IT Industry) Bug can neither be inserted nor be removed from software. It can only be
converted from one form to another.The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant.


V) The Uncertainty Principle of Heisenberg: "The more precisely the POSITION is determined,the less precisely the MOMENTUM is known"

*(In our IT Industry) "The more precisely the deadline is achieved, the less precisely the quality is maintained".

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Funny Pictures - Enjoy!


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Anna shes my wife anna...Please leave her anna
Anna my wife anna...Please leave her anna Please anna...
Papam anna.. Please anna leave her anna.....

Bhalle Bhalle...

















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lovelife vs advertisement


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lovelife vs advertisement

Want to propose a girl
Just do it - Nike

Before going to propose to a girl
Believe in the best - BPL.

If you are hesitating before proposing to a girl
Vicks ki goli lo kich kich door karo - Vicks.

If you are going to propose to a girl
Chances are 50-50 - Britannia.

If a girl slapped you when you proposed to her
Take it easy - Limca.

Girl says NO !
Jor ka jhatka dhire se lage - Mirinda.

Those who succeed in love always say
We dream because we do - Daewoo.

If some one wants to write a love letter to his girlfriend
Likho script apna apna.- Rotomac.

If you love someone
Go get it - Visa power.

Boy riding a bike with neighbor's girl
Neighbors envy owner's pride - Onida.

Not satisfied with your date
Yeh dil mangey more - Pepsi.

A guy having a number of girl friends
The Complete Man - Raymonds.

A smart girl having a number of boyfriends
Yeh hai hamara suraksha chakra - Colgate.

For those lost in love
Har shaam ka sathi main aur mera - Bagpiper Whisky.

For a guy 'r gal who hasn't yet found one
Dhoondte rehe jaoge - Surf Exel

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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Good and Practical Inspiring


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1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't

worry!


Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like

expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian.

Think about it.

3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,

but what we are inside .. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!

4. Don't walk as if you rule the world,

walk as if you don't care who rules the world!

That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!

5. Every lady hopes

that her daughter will marry a better man than she did

and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair.

When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.

They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

7. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?

He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

8. So many options for suicide:

Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,

jumping from a building, lying on train tracks,

but we chose Marriage, slow sure!

9. Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!

10. All desirable things in life are either

illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!


11. Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru

We should learn to love our enemies- Mahatma Gandhi

Ab aap bataaye kiski sune bapu di ya chacha di??? (which one you choose?)

12. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.

Which makes it a logical statement that

90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!













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